InsaneJournal

Why Irvine is not allowed to tickle the moogle
Why Irvine is not allowed to tickle the moogle

The atmosphere in the cafeteria that morning was decidedly frigid.

"So." Quistis set down her mug. "I have had my caffeine. Please explain why there was an explosion in the dorms at approximately two a.m. this morning."

Squall looked at Irvine. Irvine looked at Squall.

"It's his fault," Squall said.

"It is not!" Irvine said hotly.

"Is too."

"I was not the one casting Flare indoors!"

"I would have done the same if you were tickling me too!"

"Would not! You're too anal retentive to waste Flare spells like that!"

"Tickling is worth at least a Firaga!"

"So," Quistis said, steamrolling over the argument, "Irvine was tickling someone."

"Someone who cast Flare and ought to be blamed for it," Irvine muttered.

"Really. May I have the identity of this person?" she said icily.

"Um." Irvine looked at Squall again.

"He went to get breakfast," Squall volunteered.

"His name is - "

"Hi!" a chirpy little voice said at Quistis's elbow. "Here's your morning paper! Did you want me to refill your coffee?"

The paper was plopped onto the table with a flourish, by a small hovering moogle. The round pom-pom at the end of his antenna bobbled as he set down a tray of waffles.

"Mog," Irvine finished lamely.

"I ... see," Quistis said. Clearly, she didn't. Squall swiped the waffles.

"I looked at some new beds," the moogle said blithely, "but I don't think any of them will fit into your room."

Squall paused, fork in midair. "What do you mean?"

"Well, even a full size isn't quite big enough for two people. For a good night's sleep, you should have a queen bed. I don't think we could even get one of those through the doorway."

Irvine was beginning to look a little trapped. "But - "

"So I went up to housing. Did you know you were assigned a three-room suite after the war and you were actually supposed to move out of that single months ago?"

"No," Squall mumbled.

"That's what I figured. I told them that you'd be moved into the correct room by the end of the day."

"I will?"

"Of course you will. Irvine will help. It's his fault you don't have a bed anymore."

"It is not my fault that you're trigger happy!" Irvine protested. The moogle gave him a serene yet somehow still threatening look. "Um. Not that I wouldn't be happy to help you move anyway, Squall." The moogle smiled sweetly. "Ah. In fact, I think I'll go get a head start on packing right now."

Squall looked baffled. "Thank ... you ... ?"

Irvine made a break for the exit. Mog called out, "You have until tomorrow to move in your things, Irvine. I filled out the paperwork for you already!"

Squall put his fork down and waited until Irvine was out of earshot. "You deliberately blew up my bed to get me to move in with my boyfriend?"

Mog said, "Your father hired me to be your assistant. You already have a secretary for your job, so clearly he must have meant the other areas of your life."

Quistis looked at them and said, "I need more coffee."

Watching her go, Squall leaned over and announced, "You're the best moogle ever."


I know I said I was going to try and write this one as it actually happened rather than in post-explosion explanation mode, but somehow the series seems to be structured around the "wait, back up five steps, you missed something critical there" device.