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disgaea, fic

Disgaea ficlet
The brat didn't knock--it was a point of pride for demons, after all--but he didn't barge right in, either. "Oi, Etna!" he hollered through the door. "Get your prinnies; we're going out!"

Cooing, the angel threw the door open--without asking. Sometimes, Etna wasn't sure which of the two was really the demon here. "Where are we going, Laharl-san?"

"I didn't invite you," he muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Eh, whatever. Grab those mages you've been hanging out with. We'll make it a contest."

"Eh? Make what a contest?"

Etna shoved Flonne all the way out of her room when the prince didn't answer right away. "Better get a move on, before he changes his mind."

"Meet at the dimensional gate!" Laharl shouted after her. "And bring your staff!"

"So, what's going on?" she asked, once the girl was out of earshot. Not that he wasn't known for acting on a whim--a capricious nature was something for a demon noble to lord over his subjects, of course--but he was remarkably transparent. There had to be a reason for the sudden excursion.

"Huh? Oh, nothing," he lied, but distraction was foremost in his voice. Evidently, it wasn't that important. "Go get your prinnies. I don't wanna sit around here all day."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She was three steps down the hall, spear in hand, before it occurred to her. "Hey, today's bathroom-cleaning day, isn't it? You sure you wanna pull them away from that?"

"Nah, got it covered," he said absently. "They do a crappy job anyhow."

"Whatever you say, boss."

---

"Okay, listen up! You see those zombies out there? You've got all afternoon to see how many you can take down. Prinnies on one team, mages on another. Whoever loses gets no dessert!"

"D00d, that's a lot of zombies, d00d."

"But Your Highness, we'll run out of spells!"

"I've got healing spells and Etna's got a bag full of magic drinks. And you know you're just gonna get revived anyway if you pass out. Quit your whining or I'll use you guys for target practice!"

"Wow, Laharl-san's really on a tear today," Flonne said. "I wonder what set him off?"

Etna plunked herself down next to the stash of restorative drinks. "I wonder how long it'll take them to remember that they don't get dessert anyway."

"You idiot! How many times do I gotta tell you not to rush in and get surrounded?!"

"Although, yeah, it's kind of fun to listen to how squeaky his voice gets when he's too angry to keep it low."

Laharl stalked back to the hill they'd chosen for an observation point. "Why do I always forget how annoying it is to babysit a bunch of newbies?"

"Because you always send the rainbow squad out to do the babysitting," Etna reminded him, referring to the team of skull mages that he'd been training up. "You tell 'em it builds character."

"Ah, Laharl-san, why aren't they here with us today?" Flonne asked. "I thought you liked training with them."

"Oh. That. No, I needed them to babysit somebody else today." He chucked a rock at a zombie that was wandering a bit too far away from the main battlefield. "I'm not stupid enough to think that idiot'll actually do latrine duty if I don't have somebody mean and nasty watching him."

"Who?" Etna prodded. The only underling she remembered getting on the prince's nerves with any consistency was Hoggy, and he never seemed to pull anything that warranted actual punishment.

He scowled. "Maderas. He's bein' uppity. Called me a 'fag hag'--whatever that is."

"Eh?" Flonne blinked. "Doesn't that ...?"

Etna picked up the drink bag and shoved it in the angel's face. "'Scuse me, prince. There's a vampire-wannabe I've gotta dismember now."

"Forget it, Etna, he's scrubbing toilets for the next hundred years. Maybe they'll actually be clean for once."

She leaned on her spear, head pointed carelessly in his face. "That's for insulting you. He's got a whole 'nother world of hurt coming to him from me now."

Laharl clearly didn't get it, still. But he only shrugged. "Just make sure you get him revived for bathroom duty every week!"